My 2 year old needs a job; College is only 16 years away!

As I’ve mentioned, I love reading the newspaper.  Lately, I’ve found myself paying particular attention to the classified sections.

I’ve been looking to see if any farmers need help, specifically with driving tractors, looking for cows, horsey’s, or picking red tomatoes.  I’ve also been checking into the construction business with a particular interest in driving dumpers, diggers, and steam rollers.

I’m gainfully employed, but my son, you see, is not.  He’s 2 ½ which means he’s a little late getting a job, that is if he wants to pay for college.  Now don’t get too excited, I hear many mumbling that I should pay for his education, and I hope to.  But for illustrative purposes this article is going to explore Sam paying for his education in full and on time, no loans.

Based on my calculations its time he gets started.

I hear large machine operators get paid pretty well but everyone wants two years of experience, which isn’t possible given that at 6 months he was still in the training program at the local career and technology center.  He’s having trouble getting an interview.

Age discrimination is so frustrating.

I considered getting him a spot on a tomato picking crew, as he actually does identify and pick red ones, but that work is temporary, he needs something more permanent with room for advancement.  The other problem that is holding him back is these child labor laws.  It’s like kids these days should just be out playing, or book learning in schools.

With a few modern safety standards and equipment improvements I just don’t see any reason why he couldn’t operate a front end loader down in the coal mine.  Between driving around heavy equipment and wearing a miner’s headlamp he’d be like a pig in…. well I won’t say since he’s two and just developing his vocabulary.

Now before someone goes and calls civil services, let me point out why he needs to get started.  After a few clicks on Penn State’s website, I came to a helpful button labeled Tuition and Costs.  Surprisingly, this actually listed the expenses in real dollars, no decoding necessary.  On the low end, an in-state resident could expect costs of around $30,130 for the 16/17 school year, which included $17,900 for tuition and fees, along with $11,230 for room and board, plus an addition $1,000 – $4,000 for miscellaneous items; things like books and supplies, but not kegs or football tickets which seems a bit deceptive to me.

Now since Sam is only 2 ½ years old, I imagine he’s going to be stuck earning minimum wage for at least a year or two.  In fact, I’ve lodged a complaint with the labor bureau as he’s being paid in small change to pick up sticks and other yard debris at his grandparents’ houses.  Assuming this complaint gets resolved, he’d need to work 4,156 hours at $7.25 per hour just to earn enough for his freshman year.  He’s not yet proficient in math (another knock against him in construction interviews) so he just nodded in agreement and babbled 20 inches as I stretched out the tape measure and then let it snap back to him while trying to explain all this.

Cute little simpleton he is.

Anyway assuming he works 20 hours per week, (he needs time to nap and ride his bike), it would take him 208 weeks to work enough hours to earn the $30 thousand needed.  The folks at NASA have determined that there are only 52 weeks in a year, meaning it will take him 4 years to earn enough to cover one school year.  It will take him 16 years to earn enough for all 4 years, and since he’ll be starting college at age 18 he needs a job ASAP.  So if you or anyone you know is hiring, he wakes up early, but needs a 4 hour break for lunch and naptime plus several bathroom breaks.  He does try his best, so he could be an asset to any company, please call.

If you didn’t start working at age 2 and thus have student loans please consider refinancing with Sofi, follow my link and if you refinance we will both get some cash!

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